Every so often I go through a bit of an identity crisis. I'm naturally quiet and reserved, which means that people sometimes forget who I am. Or, they remember who I am and where they know me from, but they can't recall my name. If it only happened once in a while, I wouldn't think much of it, but it happens often enough to make me suspect that maybe I don't really match my name?
Honestly, I don't mind that people forget me. It's nice to feel mysterious, like I could've been a spy. Or a Milford man. Plus, it does wonders for social anxiety. It's difficult to convince yourself that nobody actually pays attention to all the embarrassing things you do, but I have proof. I could fall flat on my face while forgetting my lines in a play, with spinach in my teeth and my clothes on inside out and backward, and afterward people would still say, "And you are...?" It's like having a very strange, very specific, very useless superpower. They'll call me The Wallflower. I'll wear a navy blue unitard with a black cape, but nobody will realize my outfit doesn't match. Someone will be like, "Call The Wallflower, quick!" and everyone else will be like, "Who?" and I'll say, "Guys, I saved the day like three times this week, you seriously don't remember me?" and they'll be like, "Ohhh...for some reason I thought you were called Window."
There could be some cosmic confusion going on, since there already is a writer named Carrie Muller. She wrote a children's book about a smelly pirate. So maybe that identity is already claimed, and people can sense that I am not the first of my name and profession. I am but a poor imitation, a usurper to this name.
Also in first grade my teacher took points off my homework because she thought I spelled my own last name wrong. And because I implicitly trusted everything my teacher said, I started to think, "Oh, man, did I spell it wrong?!" and then my mom had to come in the next day and straighten both of us out. So...that doesn't help.
So I'm thinking about trying out a new name to see if it sticks a little better. I'm not sure what would make a better name for me, though, which is why I am enlisting your help. Please vote for your favorite in the comments (or write in your own suggestions!) and then I shall take the winner as my pen name. Or my legal name. Who knows!
(Please don't turn this into a Boaty McBoatface situation. Unless you think that name fits me.... But still. It's already taken.)
- Hepzibah Dillard-McCoy
- Judy Garland (I know what you're thinking, but she was an actress, not a writer. So it's fine.)
- The Lady
- Wanda LeRoi
- Luna Shovegood (also my roller derby name)
- Marion Cotesworth-Haye
- Duchess Cordelia Templeton
- Boaty McBoatface (it's sort of growing on me)
- Sasha Cherise Sanchez
- Molly Vanolli
- Jane Deer
- Anastasia Eleanora Hupbup
- Shy Flower (my tribal name)
- J.R.L.K.M. (I like the mystery of five initials and no actual name)
- Cassie Muller (My neighbor called me Cassie for the first several months he knew me. Do I seem like a Cassie? Is the solution to all this just a matter of changing a few letters?)
- Other suggestions?
As always, thank you for your help in this trying time. And, just in case you forgot, it's me. Carrie. Carrie Muller? I'm, like, this lady who writes about embarrassing things that happen to her...no? Not ringing any -- you know what? It's fine. Just call me Window.